It won’t be long now – I know, I’ve done nothing but whine about them being home. Now I’m sort of wondering if I’ll look back on home-learning with a tear in my eye. Like this lunchtime, I thought, ‘this is one of the last lunches you’ll have together in term time, isn’t that sad?’ My kids, however, are nothing if not reliable. Within five minutes they were screaming at each other about something screen-related, I assume. Which I won’t miss AT ALL. It’s been awful and exhausting – I never thought my children would cry daily after babyhood was over. At that same time, I’ve loved slowing down with them, focussing on them above everything else, getting right into what they are into (Star Dew Valley rules btw). I’ll wave them off joyfully but I wouldn’t give this time back, either.
I’m writing this blog at 6:30am in a silent house, clouded over sky. The children are ‘on holiday’ but even when they are ‘at school,’ I still don’t get this kind of peace to write.
I believe this is exactly what I should be doing at this moment. It’s not just that other people ‘have it worse,’ it’s more like other people – nurses, cleaners, supermarket workers – are holding everything together, so I can sit here safe, and a virus can be minimised.
I don’t understand the folk that say we shouldn’t be in lockdown. Don’t they care about people who are at risk?
So I will stay home, and try to follow all the lockdown rules, and wash my hands, and wear a mask, for as long as I need to. It’s really the least I can do.
Happy New Year?
It was a couple of weeks before the end of last year when I listened to a podcast which said the whole ‘seeing the back of 2020’ thing was a false premise.
I mean, of course, we all knew that. But did we really know that?
For us here in the UK, January 2021 so far is remarkably similar to March 2020. Schools are closed again, and as much as I love my precious babies, I am not a natural home-schooler.
So it’s self-care again, back to the basics. I realised if I’m not waking a kid up to catch an early bus, I can have my precious 6am-7am hour back. I’m writing this in a silent house full of sleeping people (and cat). Sometimes I need rest. Sometimes I need work. Both are fulfilling, and necessary.
Lockdown, kids, school, bullying…
all fading away now as I listen to your
wise words, your tone steeped in kindness, experience and love,
as you tell me I am doing everything I can
to keep everything balanced –
all these plate-spun needs
crashing down in a pile of sad children
and distant partner, (and cat that still needs to go to the vet)
and am I thinking about my own needs, my own self?
Your friendship saturates this digital space
between us – the space hollowed out between
me and you, and you, and you – without these electrical signals,
these sound waves,
how alone would all of us be feeling, now?
I put out the distress call
and like a bat emoji in the sky
you see how much I need you.
And you call
and you say ‘Hi! How are you?’
Apparently, it will become a ‘good interview question.’ What did you accomplish in lockdown?
I was surprised to realise I am fit now. I haven’t been fit since before my first child was born. And let me assure you that I have not become thin – no matter how many kilometres you cycle, if you come home and eat crisps and drink beer, then…
I can cycle many kilometres, though. Up hills and everything. It’s a pleasant side-effect of taking the kids outside every day.
However, I didn’t write the great British novel or anything. You must be kidding! I have two kids – and our homeschooling was excellent – but I was required to be there while they went tippity-tappity on their laptops. I didn’t manage to write much beyond this blog. Which helped me feel connected –
for sticking around.
Lockdown Day 30.
‘Cat is very keen on being on my notebook…
Apparently it’s International Stationery Day today, perhaps I should buy something?’
Lockdown Day 34
‘Dr Reid said I shouldn’t take more than 10 sumitriptan a month … cue headache that put me to bed by lunchtime and lifted at 11pm ish.
OMG my rose is going to bud.’
Lockdown Day 38
‘kids and I went on the long bike run. I managed to fall off my bike just out of the path of an oncoming lorry…sore and a fright but no harm done and was v brave for kids. The lorry would possibly have stopped, he nearly pulled in to check I was OK, bless him.’
Lockdown Day 42
‘Sank a bottle of Prosecco last night. Crikey. Certainly need to NOT do that every day.’
Lockdown Day 43
‘Cat is all over my notebook.’
**Usual disclaimer: I am not a non-key worker, so this may be an irritating read for those who are.**
Do I wish the kids were still in school?
Ha! Take a guess.
That said, we are happy with our little weekday timetable, which includes free time all day Wednesday, and Friday afternoon. My oldest shared that they hate not having a written structure for the day, and will even request one at school – who knew?
But by far my favourite half an hour is 9-9:30 on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. We all read in the living room. Because of family tinnitus, there’s a CD on in the background, so it’s an opportunity to put on some of those albums that are ignored in favour of Spotify these days.
That peace of three or four people in a room. Just reading.